When my husband’s 40-something sons visited for six days this spring, he was thrilled to share his “Winnie-Toons” with them. A whole flippin’ binder of silly, colorful, childlike renderings of our day-to day life created by “Winnie, “my alter ego. Now for the backstory.
It all started- the “toons,” that is – when my husband returned home after one of his surgeries. I was determined to provide more than hands-on care. Wanting to see his witty playfulness make a comeback, I drew him a silly picture, the undertaking of which I took very seriously. Then I left it on his placemat where he was sure to see it in the morning. Little did I know that that one, childlike drawing would be the springboard for many, many others. None of my efforts were lost on him. Once he was up and about again, my good man ceremoniously presented me with a “just for you” set of colorful markers – a deeply thoughtful gift that gave even more joyful life to my cartoons.
When I think back on this, I’m not sure if I was the one investing in his happiness or he was investing in mine. It became mutual and took on a life of its own – a joyful way to celebrate our simple, creative life.
Take a look around and you’ll notice how couples, close friends, and family members proactively and spontaneously invest in one another’s happiness. We do so because, as Dr. Seth J. Schwartz reminds us “the secret to a good life involves valuing, helping, and empowering others.”
It’s a way of respecting the truth that a good life is not just about us! In fact, you can buy “the good life,” but you have to nurture “a good life.”
Think about the people who matter the most to you, and how you invest your time and energy in them by:
- Showing genuine care and concern for their feelings and experiences
- Slowing down to take the time to understand what they need and want to be happy
- Cheering them on in good times and, oh yeah, in bad
Because you want to.
And sometimes, investing in others means seeing who they are on their way to becoming. No, I am not talking about doling out the “everyone gets a star” type of empty encouragement that rings hollow and may even make a person doubt herself. I mean seeing what is already germinating. Recently, my sister was babysitting her five-year old grandson who was having a mini-meltdown at bedtime:
Grant: “I miss my daddy.”
Grandma: “I know, sweetie. He and mommy will be home soon.”
Grant: “But I want my daddy.”
Grandma: “Sweetie, why do you want your daddy now?”
Grant: “Because he teaches me what I can do.”
Well, that explanation is worth sitting with for a spell. Grant’s dad, my nephew, shows his love in many ways. High on that list is helping his little boy feel confident in himself. Whether it’s teaching him the basics of baseball, learning to read, or navigating being a big brother, he is all in. Grant may not yet be able to put that into words, but he knows that his dad is all in, that he is loved.
So, I ask myself:
- How can we be better stewards of a type of healthy selflessness that invests in the happiness of others?
- How can we model the truth that our interconnectedness is the glue that holds us together, both individually and collectively?
And just being real here:
- How can we bravely face whatever barriers of self-absorption, obliviousness, or well, emotional stinginess that may get in our way?
I think it starts with deciding to invest in others’ happiness as part of who we are and how we are in the world and translating that into action by paying attention to what matters to those around us. That reminds me: there’s a package sitting on the corner of my desk from a longtime friend. It’s not my birthday, anniversary, or a holiday. I strongly suspect it’s an investment in my happiness….
